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These shoes are an abysmal grab bag of several features that are near-incredible individually but are offensive to all those with reasonable taste when combined.
Gore Tex? Keeps your feet dry, who can complain!
3M reflective? Hottest trend of 2007!
Patent leather? Too fresh!
Transparent sea foam green soles? Undeniable!
Blue to yellow gradients? Everyone loves them!
Rainbows? Throw a couple on there!
Red, white, and blue laces? America rules!
These shoes are the footwear equivalent of when you tried to combine EVERY SINGLE ONE of your favorite foods as a child only to find that, while individually delicious, when combined, they are gag-inducing. Good Lord, these are horrible, and I can only pray that they remain a sample forever.